This time the post is going to be somewhat dark. Tomorrow a year has gone since my dear friend’s death. Still not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and be thankful for his friendship. I’m so glad to know that he knew how much I valued our friendship. He loved a Finnish/Russian proverb: you live as long as you are remembered.
As sad as the topic is I dedicate this post to my dear friend. I shall remember You always.
Already in the prehistoric times the Finns buried their deceased to a wooden box. People in those days believed the coffin to be the deceased person’s home. Quite often the box was made by the deceased himself and it had served as a storage box. People also remembered and worshiped the late relatives. Advice and protection was asked from them. But they were also feared and all kinds of spells were done to prevent the deceased to come back among the living.
The arriving of the catholic religion changed the traditions but not much. Until the early 20th century some tools, jewelry or other personal items were buried with the deceased. The deceased was dressed to his/her best clothes and buried with them. During the 19th century it became custom to bury the deceased in long sleeved, long shirt.
For centuries people were buried under the floor of their church. During the 18th century it was realized that it was little crowded under the floor and people also noticed that it smelled inside the church. So at the end of the 18th century it was forbidden to bury under the church’s floor and the cemeteries, as we can see them now, were formed, usually around the church.
The funerals (hautajaiset) as such have been quite ascetic. Local priest said the prayers and blessed the deceased. The mourners (saattoväki) used to bring the food with them to the mourning house (surutalo), because the distances were long and the people had to stay in the house for a few days before heading back home. During centuries people got richer and it became custom to serve food and drink to the mourners. In a way it also reflected the status and richness of the house and showed f. ex. after the master’s death that the house would survive.
Nowadays it is custom to arrange the funerals within 1 - 3 weeks after the death. The deceased is put into the coffin in the place, where he/she had died. A hearse of the undertaker the relatives has chosen will pick up the coffin and drive to the morgue. The closest relatives or friends will follow the hearse in their own cars, thus forming a funeral procession. The coffin will be held in the morgue until the funerals.
The invitation to the funerals can be send by mail or email, write to the obituary published in a local or national newspaper or the invitation can be told over the phone when announcing about the death of that person. If the distance is not too long, everybody invited try to participate. If one cannot participate to the funerals, it is then custom to send an address (adressi) by mail or as telegram to the mourning house, so it can be read in the memorial service. The relatives may also want to have a so called closed funerals, in which case only the closest relatives will participate to the funerals and the obituary will be on the newspaper after the funerals, stating buried in the presens of the close-ones (haudattu läheisten läsnäollessa).
The funerals may be divided into two parts. First is the funeral service (siunaustilaisuus) in a cemetery chapel or local church. The coffin will be waiting in the chapel, when people arrive. A handbill is usually given when entering the chapel. The closest persons, f. ex. family, to the deceased will sit in the front row on the right side and on the left the closest relatives and then backwards. The closest people will be dressed totally in black, except little children solemnly. Other participants may use dark blue or grey in their clothes. The black is also used to honor the service and the deceased.
The funeral service starts with a psalm or a prelude. The priest says the first blessing and introduction. A psalm is read and a confession made. Then there is a prayer read and some reading of the Bible and the speech of the priest. Then the priest makes the blessing of the deceased, a psalm, a prayer and Lord’s prayer and Lord’s blessing.
If there is cremation the flowers will be now lowered beside the coffin. The garland will be larger the closer the people lowering it are to the deceased. Friends can also lower a nice bucket. The first one of course to lower the flowers is the widow or the closest person of the deceased present. The widow will lower the flowers on the left side of the coffin near the heart of the deceased.
The flowers can be favorites of the deceased or symbolize his/her place of birth with their colors. And for the veterans of our wars people usually select white and blue flowers to symbolize fatherland and our flag’s colors. There is always also a card with text or if very close to the deceased a ribbon with text. The text is read out loud before lowering the flowers. Usually there is a short poem or a verse from Bible and then a text like deeply missing (syvästi kaivaten) and the names of the persons lowering the flowers, although not all from the same family have to be present there. Then the flowers are lowered and it is custom to stand still beside the coffin for awhile. After leaving the coffin the persons will nod to the widow and family and return to their seats. After all flowers have been lowered a music will be played and the participants may leave the chapel. Someone close to the family will announce an official invitation for all present to arrive to the memorial service starting right after. The funeral service will take about 30 - 40 minutes.
If the coffin is buried right after, no cremation, it will be carried to the cemetery during the music and the flowers will be lowered at the grave. The widow and family will be first to follow right after the coffin and then the rest. The carriers are the six closest men of the deceased (close relatives, friends or co-workers). The coffin is carried feet first. When lowering the coffin to the grave, men will take of their hat, the carriers after they have lowered the coffin. A psalm can be sung. A few decades ago the men still filled up the grave after lowering the coffin, but today a scaffold is put on the grave to cover it.
The memorial service (muistotilaisuus) is then much more relaxed service. If the mourners are honored there will be food served and after that coffee and sweets (cake, buns, coffee cake). There may also be just sandwiches and cake. People eat and talk about the deceased, remember together all the good times they had had and how the deceased was and how was his/her life. A few psalms can be sung and a prayer said. Somebody close to the family or part of the family will read the addresses from those who could not be present or not invited. The memorial service will take about 2 - 3 hours.
Still quite many people in Finland follow the custom that the close relatives of the deceased (widow and close family) will dress only in black for the 40 days after the death and not wear f.ex. big jewelry and not participate to parties.
A thank you -note will be send to all of the persons, who either participated to the funerals or send their condolences in the form of an address. It also custom to remember those who send their condolences to the closed ones of the deceased, when they did not know the deceased. Meaning that if the grandmother of a friend dies, it is decent to send a condolences card to the friend and get a thank you -note back.
