Wedding

This week is the Midsummer (juhannus), so a very proper time to post about wedding (häät) and wedding traditions in Finland. Once again please do remember, that there are many traditions in Finland depending on religion and area, so this post is based on my knowledge and on my roots in the western part of Finland and lutheran religion.

In Finland both get a golden ring when engaged. The bride also gets a ring when wed. The ring usually has one or more diamonds. Nowadays with some couples also the husband gets another ring, but this is not traditional. I think one reason for both getting the ring when engaged lies back in the medieval times when engagement was considered as strong as marriage. Back then a spokesman (puhemies) for the groom (sulhanen) would negotiate with the father or other guardian (holhooja) of the bride (morsian) about the terms of the marriage. When they reached an agreement the couple was engaged and later the engagement was validated by marriage. Child born before the actual marriage was considered to have the same rights as child born in marriage. The marriage was not even always blessed by a priest. It was as late as in the 17th century when it became mandatory to have a priest present at  wedding and conducting the wedding so that the marriage would be legal. It was so late as 1864 when woman 21 years of age or older could marry without the permission of her father or guardian. Before that she always needed a permission. Even today quite many men still ask bride’s hand in marriage from her father, although it is not mandatory. And in medieval times the marriages, especially between more wealthier people, were mostly agreements, which purpose was to ensure alliance between families or bring more wealth to the families. In this harsh land with great distances an ally was very important.

Before getting married there has to be announcement made in the home parish of the bride. Before mid 20th century there was announcement made on three subsequent Sundays during the service. The purpose was to make the coming marriage public, so that anyone could tell, if they knew any objections to it. Today the announcement is more tradition and the incapacities of the marriage are checked out in other ways. But still it is a tradition to go to listen that day’s service and the announcement and go for a coffee to the bride’s parents’ home after the service.

The bride brings dowry (myötäjäiset) with her, nowadays not so often any more, to the marriage or like in the old days for the house she was married to. The husband gives a dower (huomenlahja) to the wife the morning after the wedding day. In the past the dower was to show appreciation to the wife and the wealthy of her new home. Nowadays it is mostly jewelry, like earrings or a necklace. In the past the wife’s dowry could be agreed to be inherited to her children after her death. The dowry could also return to her father, if she died without a heir, f. ex. to first childbirth and the child did not survive either. Additionally the bride brought with her trousseau (kapiot), which contained linen and other textile, which she had embroidered herself or with the help of the women at her home.

Then the wedding itself. Why post at this time of the year? Because in 20th century the midsummer used to be most popular time for weddings. Now most people in Finland get wed between May and September and before 20th century usually the wedding was held after the harvesting time was over, so in October to December. Also in the old days the weddings lasted 2 - 4 days. Now it takes one day.

Traditionally the groom is not allowed to see the bride during the last 24 hours before the wedding. So even if already living together many brides go to spend the last night with their parents or some friends. The bachelor parties are held much before (more about those in some other post). It is tradition that the father of the bride walks her to the middle of the church and the groom walks to meet them. The father gives the bride away to the groom and walks behind the couple to the front of the church, where he sits in the first row  on the left hand side (the bride’s side). If the bride is wearing a vail, the father can lift the vail when giving the bride, the groom can lift the vail at the altar before the wedding starts or just after the wedding before the couple turns to face the audience. The bride (especially when marrying for the first time) wears a white long dress (the pure white is traditionally reserved for the virgin brides, but nowadays also others use the pure white). The dress should cover shoulders in the church, so it may contain a shawl, short jacket etc., which can be removed during the later celebration, or then the dress is just not so open. Before the 20th century the bride’s wedding dress used to be black, because it served as the only better dress of the bride in the marriage. The groom can wear a tailcoat or a black suit.

The wedding ceremony can be long or short. It starts with entering of the couple to the altar, followed by blessing, prayer, some words from the Bible, the priest’s speech to the couple (based on the talk held few days before), the wedding itself (the questions, ring prayer, conformation of the marriage and blessing), a psalm, prayer, Our Father -prayer, blessing and ending music. Usually the ceremony takes 20 - 30 minutes. The audience stands when the bride enters the church and when the couple walks to the altar, during words from Bible and when the pair leaves the church. 

The questions can be presented in two different formats. The other format has also the words “until the death does you appart” and the other wording not. The couple can also give the ring promises (With this ring I …) but that is not traditional in Finland.

Most of our churches have great organs and many couples choose to have traditional wedding marches played when entering and leaving the church (like from Wagner, Melartin or Mendelssohn).  

Listen to some of the most popular organ and other music played in Finnish weddings from here.

Quite many couples today tour around the back of the church and enter the church again from there. Wait for the audience to go and stand in front of the church and then leave the church again in rice or other rain given by the guests. But actually this is not the traditional way, although very commonly used nowadays in Finland. The traditional way is to walk through the “rain”, when leaving the celebration arranged after the wedding ceremony. But unfortunately nowadays many wedding couples stay in the celebration until it really ends (way past midnight).

The celebration is usually held at a location (rented restaurant, manor etc.) near the church if possible. Usually a dinner is served to the guests. If a traditional wedding then the wedding couple is taken from the church to wedding photo and after that they arrive to the celebration and are greeted by the guests and congratulated with sparkling toasts.

After dinner there can be dancing, speech of the bride’s father, robbing of the bride or other games. Of course the wedding couple cut the cake (top part of it is reserved for the wedding couple and frozen and eaten at the 1st wedding anniversary) and the one (bride or groom) to first stamp on the floor, when the cake server hold together hits the plate, is the one setting the pace in the marriage. If traditional wedding, the celebration lasts for the dinner and few hours more.

The wedding couple leaves the party first and the guests wave at them. The car is decorated and drags old shoes and cans making lot of noise. Other cars honk to the wedding car.

Then few tips for the guests. Usually you need to dress up fancy, but not in an evening gown. You can always ask from the contact person of the dress code if not mentioned in the invitation. There is always contact person’s details, traditionally bride’s mother as traditionally the bride’s parents pay for the wedding, to whom you have to announce whether participating or not. Usually the wedding couple has also drawn up a present list to some local store and it is mentioned in the invitation. You may buy something from the list or if you know a present the couple would love, you can also buy outside the list. Depending on the couple, children may be allowed to the ceremony and celebration or not. The celebration may last way over midnight, but you may leave after the first dance and cake. There may also be lots of alcohol served or then just few glasses of wine. The celebration depends so much of the wedding couple.

Although such a long post this time so many traditions related to Finnish wedding are still left untold. Maybe more about them in some later post.